I did something to a chaver in yeshiva approximately 23 years ago. Although what I did was what I was told to do – al pi daas torah, it was hurtful to my chaver. Since then, he was very cold to me whenever we met. Some six years after that story I happened to be davening in the same bais medrash for Yom Kippur. I went over to him right before kol nidrei to ask for mechila. He mumbled that he was mochel, but it wasn’t quite full heartedly. 17 years later I bumped into him twice within two weeks and he was very friendly. After that, I thought to myself that maybe I should ask for mechila again. Before rosh hashana I decided to call him and get a mechila b’leiv sholaim. I got his number and called a few times without getting through. I finally got through, on the way to the mikva erev rosh hashana. I said my name and the line went dead. I tried again thinking it was a bad connection, but the same thing happened. On erev yom kippur decided to try again. And again the phone went blank twice after I said hello. Still not sure how to take it, I wrote him a text message explaining that I felt bad and wanted to ask for mechila. Right afterwards he called me back and said “oh that was you trying to call, I thought it was a robo call. These days there are so many robo calls I hang up right away if I don’t hear someone.” He told me that he doesn’t know who should ask who for mechila. Although he realized that I acted as per daas torah it still hurt, and as much as he wants to get past it he finds it hard. He said the fact that I called to ask again will definitely help him finally put it in past and move forward b’shalom!
Much of the inspiration that pushed me to reach out to ask for forgiveness again even though I was technically right was Shalom for Charlotte! Secondly, I can’t be in peace with myself if someone is at odds with me – regardless of fault.
Yasher koach!!