I’m beyond inspired by your unimaginable story. Especially having lost a child myself. For a mother to bury her child in her lifetime is unfathomable and unnatural and utterly heartbreaking. When a child is taken back through an illness, it is still insanely painful, but there is an element of understanding that it is from Hashem. When there is an extra layer of hesder ponim as you have experienced, it makes it far more difficult to see that. I am awe-inspired that you were able to come to a place of shalom and shalva and see it as Yad Hashem.
I can’t think of anyone I am holding a grudge for except for 1 person that seems to have a grudge against me. I have already attempted to make shalom, but your story has inspired me to make another humbling attempt.
May Charlotte ah have a beautiful aliya from our attempts and may we be zoche to the day very soon when our hearts will be whole once again.